Texas A&M Corps Dorm Vents Caked With “Centuries Of Tradition”

Students in Texas A&M’s Corps of Cadets dorms report a novel struggle this semester as thick, unmovable layers of dust encrusting the vents have introduced a new frontier in respiratory challenges. University officials assure students, however, that this isn’t an issue of negligence but rather an opportunity to appreciate real Aggie heritage.

“Our dorm vents date back to the era of the original Corps dorms, and that layer of dust — over 100 years in the making — is irreplaceable,” Sophia Chase, Chaplain of the Corps, said. “It’s not just dirt; it’s history. Every breath students take, they’re breathing in the wisdom of past Aggies.”

Cadets, however, seem less enthusiastic. 

“I thought I was here to build resilience, but I didn’t think that included battling a possible upper respiratory infection,” economics sophomore Paul Edwards said. Edward’s also noted that he’s almost certain the layers of dust contain material from at least three different decades.

Others have come to see  the mass of dust as a rite of passage. 

“I mean, if cadets could handle it in 1924, I guess I can too,”  Adan Jackson, a coughing engineering freshman, said as he adjusted his N95 mask. “It’s just one of those quirks that makes the A&M experience authentic, like yelling ‘Howdy!’ or building up a resistance to mold.”

The university assures students that a “comprehensive cleaning” will be considered in 2035, just as soon as the next major budget cycle rolls around.

— Lock-T