Five More Aggies Lost In Corn Maze

As the Agronomy Society closes down their yearly corn maze, a reported five students who entered the attraction a few days ago have yet to find the exit. 

The corn maze has previously come under fire for being too big for most college students to navigate. According to head of maze safety Candy Owens, last year 10 writers for The Battalion needed to be rescued by first responders.

“It was terrible,” opinion writer Henry Ghosh said. “To this day I can’t even look at corn without being reminded of the dizzying array of yellow and green that held me captive for days.”

Despite the events of last year, the Agronomy Society has gone through with their plans to make this year’s maze the biggest ever, and the same problems have arisen. Already, five more members of The Battalion have gotten lost in the corn.

“In light of the events, we have decided to ban all members of The Battalion from the corn maze starting next year,” Owens said. “We encourage all Batt writers to try our other less puzzling tasks, such as the hayride.”

Rather than notify the authorities about the missing students and risk bad press, Owens  has enlisted the help of local fraternity Phi Sigma Alpha in locating these missing students.

“Me and my brothers have decided to pregame this search and rescue,” pledge Bizz Hammond said. “Give us a few SunnyD seltzers and we’ll get them out of there in no time”.

As word spreads on campus about these missing students, rumors have abounded. Owens issued a statement in response to some of these less credible claims.

“We assure you there is nothing to worry about,” Owens said. “Any rumors of a Mugdown writer lurking somewhere in the corn are completely unsubstantiated.”

The Mugdown assures their readership that they have no involvement in the corn maze. It is perfectly safe for Battalion writers to go there and destress. Bring your wallet. 

— Corn Stalker