A&M To Implement Minecraft Parkour Civilization Strategy For Ticket Pull

In anticipation of T.U. Ticket Pull, Texas A&M Athletics has decided to change the ticket pull process, utilizing the Minecraft Parkour Civilization strategy. 

“Essentially, how it works is that you need to do a one-block jump for third deck and a two-block jump for second deck,” Athletics Coordinator Steve Evbo said. “If you want first deck, you’ll have to do two one-block jumps with a 360.” 

Along with this, group pull has also changed to be a synchronous one-block jump with the entire group holding hands. 

Students have already taken to social media and even the Student Senate to complain about these changes.

“I barely made the one block jump last week, how am I ever supposed to get below third deck?” Cade Coppinger, student body president and known parkour noob, said. “And a 360? That’s impossible!”

In order to retain their traditional first deck tickets, the Corps of Cadets has begun to include parkour in their daily Physical Training. The Commandant of the Corps, Captain Sparkles, recently ordered part of the quad to be destroyed and rebuilt into a parkour course. 

“I am actually excited for this change,” Sparkles said. “The new group pull requirement forces our cadets to train together and trust one another. This class of cadets will be the strongest and closest the Corps has ever seen!”

However, an apparent downside has already emerged. 

“Some students won’t even try to pull tickets because they’re too scared of what happens when they can’t make the jump,” visualization junior Lizzie Briar, president of Students Mocking Parkour (SMP), said. “If they can’t make the jump, they fall into Parkour Prison and have to complete 45 hours of parkour training in order to be let back into A&M.”

When asked where Parkour Prison is located, Evbo replied, “Oh yeah, you can find  those noobs at Blinn.”

–Mugdown Staff