Research Finds Larger Campuses Make You More Likely To Run Into Opps
Student researchers at Texas A&M’s College of Arts and Sciences recently found that, contrary to popular belief, going to universities with larger student populations increases the likelihood of students running into their opposition. Students looking for a fresh start at A&M would have more luck at a high school reunion when it comes to avoiding awkward small talk.
“I decided to write my senior thesis on the topic when I realized I’ve run into my ex on campus exponentially more ever since we broke up,” economics senior and student researcher Alex Schmitz said. “We had no similarities in social circles when we dated, so I had to figure out how that was possible.”
Schmitz’s research finds that the longer you are a student at A&M, the more likely opps — specifically exes — will run into you in the Chick-Fil-A line. Schmitz says he noticed the trend of irritating interactions sophomore year when his friends started hanging out with “the fakest high school bots [he’s] ever known.”
“Ironically, I never see my best friend,” Schmitz said. “We’re literally roommates, but our schedules align max once a month. But Trevor from grade school who hates me for no reason has sat behind me for three semesters straight.”
“I’ve found that coming to this school brings the average student more awkward conversations than job opportunities,” Schmitz said. “The Aggie Network is real, but this is not the one I signed up for.”
— Loco-Motive
Fueled by pure caffeine and watching reruns of Student Senate debates, Loco-Motive runs on chaos and charisma. Once a calm, rule-following freshman, they accidentally rode the Spirit Bus route in a full loop and emerged… different. Now, Loco-Motive writes exposés at lightning speed, stirring the pot and spilling the tea with zero brakes. You’ll see them sprinting across campus double fisting a Red Bull and Iced Latte on any given day. They’ve been banned from GroupMe six times and somehow turned it into a resume booster. Loco-Motive isn’t just off the rails, they are the rails now.