Fish Camp Partner Wins Full Custody Of DG Following Divorce

Following a lengthy custody battle, Fish Camp counselor Kylie Robinson has won full custody over her DG freshmen in a groundbreaking trial.

The divorce began when Robinson discovered her partner, Luke Adams, having an affair with another counselor in their camp. The prosecution alleged that he was seen mugging down with his fellow cabin Dad during rest time at camp. 

According to reports, Robinson served Adams divorce papers after their DG hangout at Rec-A-Palooza. The trial was scheduled for the Fish Camp football game, with a 12-man jury of drunk counselors and uncomfortable freshmen. The presiding judge, session director Kaitlyn Fontenot, awarded full custody to Robinson following Adams’ failure to appear in court (the third deck). He was spotted slurring his words at a tailgate at the time of the trial.

Adams has demanded a retrial, citing RTT — or the Right To Tailgate — and has questioned the court’s integrity.

“It’s like, not even fair. I get caught locking lips with my bro at camp and now I can’t even groom my kids into joining my FLO?” Adams said. 

Due to their “kids” not legally being their children and also technically being adults, The Mugdown conducted a survey to see which parent they preferred. Only one of the 12 DG kids responded to the questionnaire, stating that they haven’t talked to either counselor since Howdy Week. 

Many are worried about the implications of this landmark case. Conservative counselors worry that this could upset the balance of future DGs, leading to the destabilization of the nuclear fish camp. Fish Camp Session F Purple Co-Chair Samuel Ross made a public statement following the results of the trial, citing the rise of piercings and fake tattoos as a root cause for situations such as this one. 

“First you allow DG divorces, then it’ll be DG step-parents, then DG visitation hours, and next thing you know, TAMU has its very own on-campus CPS,” Ross said.

Following the case, Adams has been ordered by the court to pay 30 dining dollars per month in child support for the rest of the 2024-25 school year. 

—Yap Leader