FLO Staff Implement “Rate, Date, Hate” Algorithm To Select Freshmen

After years of blindly picking names out of a hat, one campus FLO — Freshmen About Nothing, or FAN — has revolutionized their way of selecting their perfect 67. They call it the “Rate, Date, Hate,” or RDH, algorithm, a highly equitable system prioritizing attractiveness, dateability and potential for drama, FAN announced on Tuesday.

Computer science sophomore and community outreach mentor Mason Spence is credited with the creation of RDH. 

“It was time we came up with an efficient system for choosing freshmen who align with FAN’s values,” Spence said. “We need to start paying attention to the important things, like whether or not someone can cause another exciting hookup scandal. FAN needs to make a name for itself, and RDH is the way to go.”

RDH utilizes the individual variables of rate, date and hate to create a composite score for each candidate. The “rate” variable is necessary in creating unity in FAN, assessing a freshman’s facial symmetry, Instagram following and number of piercings. Candidates who score below a 7.5 are automatically removed from the process. 

“Date” is most important to staff: How DTF can a freshman be while hooking up with their big on the DL? Spence argues “hate” is the most important variable in boosting FAN’s reputation. 

“We need people who can create drama. Not the kids who sit in Evans playing board games all day, but the ones who actively cause scandals,” Spence said. 

Though FLO staffers have expressed their support for the new algorithm, FAN hopefuls such as international studies freshman Samantha Wang  are disappointed.

“So what if I have a boyfriend of three years?” Wang said. “That doesn’t make me less dateable, just more likely to keep it quiet. They should want me more.”

Many FLOs have followed FAN’s lead in shifting their evaluation criteria. With RDH spreading across the university, irrelevant characteristics such as leadership potential and service are taking a back seat.  

— Hello Dammit