Jimbo Fisher Spotted With A Conner Weigman Voodoo Doll In His Pocket

Last Thursday, former Texas A&M football head coach Jimbo Fisher was spotted strolling the streets of College Station-Bryan with a shocking miniature figure hanging out of his back pocket.

Gina Swimmer, College Station native and avid Aggie football fan, recognized Fisher and noted the strange doll.

“It was a small brunette football player wearing a #15 jersey,” Swimmer said. “At first I thought ‘Oh, that’s sweet. He must really miss his players!’ And then I saw the metal pins stuck through the shoulder of the doll.”

There have been reports of a man of Fisher’s age and build frequenting the abandoned McDonald’s on the corner of Wellborn Road and George Bush Drive after sundown. The suspect’s identity has yet to be confirmed.

Business freshman Britt Channing, resident of the Callaway House apartments, first noticed the man from her bedroom window..

“At first I thought it was just a regular homeless man,” Channing said. “But when I looked closer, I noticed that the figure was wearing a black headset on top of a white TAMU baseball cap — almost like he just put on a football coach costume from Spirit Halloween.”

Law enforcement and members of Texas A&M Athletics are disturbed at the alleged appearance of the former coach, particularly since the spotting of the doll was mere days before Weigman’s shoulder injury was made public. There is also confusion as to why Fisher might be squatting in an abandoned McDonald’s when he was recently awarded millions of dollars for being terrible at his job.

The situation of Fisher’s supposed voodoo and temporary housing will continue to be monitored closely by all concerned parties.

— Hullabapoo