Egregious A&M Budgetary Error Gives More Money To Academics Than Football

According to an announcement from Texas A&M released on Tuesday, due to a terrible clerical error  the university will be using 90% of its yearly funds to support academics, leaving only 10% for our Fightin’ Texas Aggie Football Team. 

Students are appalled at this negligence, with some, like finance senior Buck Rollins, even threatening to drop out. 

“Why even go here if we don’t have a good football team?” Rollins asked. “What am I supposed to do now, go to class?”

Texas A&M Athletics has been quick to respond, promising to fight for a significant increase in funding for the football team next year as penance.

Even so, the budgetary error suggests bad news for the university. Already, the incoming class has  nearly halved in size and CollegeVine claims, “Unless you actually want to learn something, there is no point in attending Texas A&M University”. 

Some tenured professors claim the switch could have its benefits — purchasing new textbooks and revitalizing our infrastructure have been cited — but most students and faculty understand that there are more important things than books and electrical wiring.

— Mrs. Dabfire