Fish Camp Counselors Take Mandated Amnesia Tests After Forgetting They Have Freshmen

After multiple reports of freshmen being ignored after approaching their Fish Camp counselors, Texas A&M Department of Student Activities is mandating all Fish Camp counselors be clinically tested at Beutel Health Center for acute onset retrograde amnesia. 

“We’ve received many reports over the past week that Fish Camp counselors aren’t allowing freshmen in a 10 foot radius of their personal space and repeatedly yelling ‘stranger danger’ whenever approached,” Student Activities Office employee Jenni Roberts said. “This insinuates that counselors aren’t actually ‘building long-term relationships that embody the Aggie Spirit.’ Student Activities wants to do whatever we can to cure counselors so they can get back to what they signed up to do: serve freshmen.”

Roberts said that this phenomenon spreads quickly across the student body every August, but that this year in particular has seen strange new side effects. 

“We have freshmen telling us that their counselors told them they could use dining dollars at Fuego but incidentally forgot to tell them it was a joke,” says Roberts. “ There’s even a case where a counselor miraculously remembered a freshman while at Northgate and partied with them, but claimed not to remember any other freshmen in their discussion group.”

“Beutel is testing new treatments to help counselors remember their freshmen,” Roberts said. “We display photos of the freshmen they may find attractive, and suddenly they don’t seem to have a problem remembering their name.”

The Department of Student Activities has plans to work with Beutel proactively in the 2026 Fish Camp application season, with every interview session starting and ending with intensive memory testing. 

— Loco-Motive & Hullabapoo