Second Grade hall monitors to oversee ticket pull line

In response to recent safety hazards, Texas A&M has unveiled a revolutionary plan to tame ticket pull lines: second grade hall monitors. Recent debates over safety concerns for ticket pullers and passersby prompted university officials to roll out a new campaign: “Snitches Prevent Stitches.” 

Ten of College Station Independent School District’s top hall monitors were recruited by the university to keep lines under control. “They pinky swore to give me the best tickets to the game,” 8-year old Emily Keller said during her juice break. “But I don’t do it for the tickets. For me, it’s about saving lives.” 

Despite administrative hopes, students have not reacted well to this change. “I don’t know exactly what their plan is,” journalism senior Collin Brown said. “All I do is pretend not to see or hear them, and the little tyrants start crying.” 

Although tensions continue to rise between ticket pullers and hall monitors, university officials stand by their decision. 

“We have a duty to keep our students safe,” A&M stated in a press release. “One unqualified safety attendant at a time.”

—Hello Dammit