Sexiest bike cops on campus!
Campus bike cops do wonderful work to keep our school safe, yet they often go unnoticed. We here at the Mugdown want to fix that. Allow us to introduce the five sexiest, most single bike cops on campus!
1. Dan
I mean just look at him. I’d love to get pulled over by that.
2. Professor Johnson
Sometimes an educator’s salary isn’t enough to make ends meet. Professor Johnson patrols Northgate on Saturdays looking to ticket his students who haven’t completed their homework.
3. Me
Yes. I, the Mugdown writer, am also a bike cop. This is a real picture of me. Make sure to speed on your scooter tomorrow so I can pull you over.
4. Andy Samberg
Little known fact, Andy Samberg worked as a bike cop here in College Station to get real-world experience for his role on Brooklyn Nine-Nine. He liked it so much that when the show ended he decided to come here full time.
5. Teddy
Teddy was unwilling to give his picture, but rest assured he deserves to be on this list as one of the hottest bike cops in A&M history. If you’ve ever been to Northgate on a Friday, you know who I’m talking about.
— Mrs. Dabfire
Mrs. Dabfire is a woman of many talents: certified fish camp mom, unofficial MSC greeter, and full-time vape cloud. A theater major turned amateur intramural pickleball referee, Dabfire made a name for herself when she substituted for her younger cousin at New Student Conference and somehow left with three Breakaway T-shirts, a minor in Agricultural Leadership, and a job offer at Layne’s Chicken Fingers. Known for her emotional range (from giggling to sobbing during the Aggie War Hymn), she’s never seen without a pearl necklace, platform Crocs, and a Juul named “Ol’ Sarge.” She’s not your mom – she’s everybody’s mom. Just don’t ask what’s in her Owala.