Top 10 non threatening ways to approach a girl on campus
Do you struggle when approaching those fine Texas Aggie women on campus? Well struggle no more! We here at The Mugdown have devised ten simple, surefire ways to bag that Ag.
- Tiptoe behind her like those old cartoon characters with a huge money bag and throw money at her.
- Put yourself on a leash so she knows she’s in control.
- “I do not have the ick I swear!!!”
- Act like a squirrel and sort of leap behind her or climb up the nearest tree.
- Be gay, or at least look like it.
- Be a breakaway volunteer.
- Ask her if she’s registered to vote.
- With palms facing her, say “I am going to approach you slowly, please remain calm.”
- Ask her if she wants to double it and give it to the next person.
- Just lean casually on one of the blue light stations.
— Lavender Hazed
Yes, Lavender Hazed is a Swiftie, but Don’t You start thinking those stereotypes Mean you know everything about her Sad Beautiful Tragic story. She bleeds Maroon which is why she joined the Corps of Cadets. But The Very First Night, Lavender Hazed learned the Corps was no Wonderland when The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived in Briggs Hall tried to haze her with a rubber snake attached to an Invisible String. Fortunately, she was able to Jump Then Fall out her window to the Holy Ground of the Quad and run to her Getaway Car. Lavender Hazed knew All Too Well (10 Minute Version) that Everything Has Changed. Even after reporting The Man, she could not Shake It Off that she was The Lucky One that was Safe & Sound. Long Story Short, now she spends her Daylight writing satire to expose hazing all across campus which to her is Better than Revenge. Mirrorball.