Student On Scholarship Pays More Taxes Than Google
On April 15th, finance sophomore and full-ride scholarship recipient Sallie Mae filed her tax return and found she owed $7500 to the IRS meaning she will pay 7,500 more dollars in taxes than Google this year.
“Why should I be subsidizing more of our nation’s debt than the fifth largest company on the planet just because I have a scholarship?” Mae said. “I thought scholarships were free money. Why do I have to pay taxes?”
Mae recently failed her ECON 201 midterm over tax incentives and strategies for creative offshoring. At the course’s office hours, professor of practice Yao Liu was able to help clear up many of Mae’s misconceptions about taxation in America.
“Since corporations are people, they deserve to be able to invest in and spin up shell corporations to hide their transactions just like your everyday person,” Liu said. “Google provides jobs and uses no public services. Why should it have to contribute to the public good?”
The one question Liu refused to answer was who funds his research.
—MSC++
You may have never seen MSC++ on campus, but you have definitely heard the sound of his mechanical keyboard. According to legend, MSC++’s first words as a child were “Hello World;”; not in English, in ASCII. His go- to first date is a technical interview, and his love language is assembly. ChatGPT asks MSC++ how to do its homework. We lied that we were a tech start up to get him to join, and he still hasn’t figured it out yet.