Desperate Organization President Pretends to be Friends With Freshmen for Votes

Casey Freedman, president of Pre-Veterinary Aggies for Change, was recently spotted picking up six freshmen for a Thursday drinking night, marking the beginning of her spring re-election campaign. Freedman’s incumbent run was endangered earlier in the year when she garnered harsh criticism for an attempted policy change, referred to in the organization as the “unnamed incident.”

According to sources within the organization, Freedman’s campaign consists of drinking nights, bi-weekly MSC hangouts, and free dorm pickups to Burger Mojo every Sunday.

“Thirsty Thursday is the easiest because they’re easier to deal with when you’re drunk,” Freedman said. “Of course, this also means that you have to deal with the freshmen when they’re drunk, so you have to be tactical with how much you can handle there, which makes the MSC hangouts and Bojo runs necessary.”

Rohan Cabal, a freshman in Pre-Veterinary Aggies for Change and attendee of the previous Thirsty Thursday, was available for comment.

“We figured out she was hanging out with us to get our vote after the third hangout turned into a rant about election season,” Cabal said. “It was pretty cool thinking we had an upperclassman friend for a few days though. I’d love to get that rush again someday. I love Thirsty Thursday.”

Now weeks away from Election Day, Freedman plans on expanding the campaign to Saturday movie nights, and Wednesday Fuego trips.

“If you want to win, you have to be strategic,” Freedman said. “Instead of running the org well, it’s more efficient to just figure out who the most naive person in the organization is. From there, you can prey on their insecurities and need to be liked, fill that emotional need, then abuse it.”

This past Wednesday, Freedman was seen with her group of five freshmen, reportedly being told that “of course, you’re going to win” and “you’re obviously the best option.”

— Boot Macer