Student Who Put “No Worries If Not” at End of Email Actually Very Worried If Not

Alexa Richards, a biomedical sciences junior who missed the deadline on an assignment that makes up a quarter of her grade, has just put the finishing touches on an important email to her professor. Following several sentences of senseless pleading, bargaining, and half-hearted excuses, Richards crafted a closing sentence that will surely offset the desperation in the rest of the email: “No worries if not!”

In fact, Richards is very worried “if not.”

“I don’t know what happened,” Richards said in regards to the missed assignment.  “I mean, sure, I spent almost all of my time partying and looking pretty in Quadbucks and bannering for my sorority, and I didn’t really go to class or look at the syllabus at all, but he can’t hold that against me, can he?”

Despite Richards’ self-diagnosed innocence, it’s up in the air whether her professor will grant her a second chance.

“He said he wouldn’t accept any late work two different times in the syllabus, but I’m sure he’ll come around,” Richards said.  “That stuff is really only to deter bad students, and I’m not one of those people, obviously.”

— Batt-atouille