Student Who Put “No Worries If Not” at End of Email Actually Very Worried If Not
Alexa Richards, a biomedical sciences junior who missed the deadline on an assignment that makes up a quarter of her grade, has just put the finishing touches on an important email to her professor. Following several sentences of senseless pleading, bargaining, and half-hearted excuses, Richards crafted a closing sentence that will surely offset the desperation in the rest of the email: “No worries if not!”
In fact, Richards is very worried “if not.”
“I don’t know what happened,” Richards said in regards to the missed assignment. “I mean, sure, I spent almost all of my time partying and looking pretty in Quadbucks and bannering for my sorority, and I didn’t really go to class or look at the syllabus at all, but he can’t hold that against me, can he?”
Despite Richards’ self-diagnosed innocence, it’s up in the air whether her professor will grant her a second chance.
“He said he wouldn’t accept any late work two different times in the syllabus, but I’m sure he’ll come around,” Richards said. “That stuff is really only to deter bad students, and I’m not one of those people, obviously.”
— Batt-atouille
The Battalion has a rat infestation, and one of these filthy rodents found its way onto our staff. We discovered him deep in the sewers under Sbisa after a long shift of hiding under the head chef’s hat. Now, he loves writing for us just as much as he loves pulling hair. When he’s not busy in the dining hall kitchen or writing articles for the other “publication” on campus, he cooks up articles for us. We’re happy to have him on our team, even though he leaves a copious amount of health code violations in his trail.