Buzz Williams’ Sweat Harvested to Assist in Cheese Fermentation Process
After years of wasting head coach Buzz Williams’ sweat-soaked clothes by washing them, Aggie basketball equipment managers have decided to begin harvesting Williams’ sweat for cheese production.
Matt Murray, an assistant equipment manager, thought of this new venture when he tripped and fell face-first into a pile of Williams’ soggy undershirts.
“When I slipped on the slick concrete floor of Reed’s laundry room, I thought I was done for,” Murray said. “Then, suddenly, I was lying on a pile of shirts and my mouth was full of cold, moist, sweat. It was delicious.”
As Murray lay on the ground in a sweaty heap, his mind began to race as he thought of the cheese that could be made with this exquisite elixir.
“As equipment managers, we closely monitor Buzz’s perspiration levels during the game and have recorded the release of over 10 liters of sweat in some of the closer games this season,” Murray said. “He’s passionate on the sideline and sweats a lot, giving us a lot of secretions to work with.”
According to cheese connoisseur and faculty member in the dairy science department, Dr. Abigail Camille, all of Williams’ sweat can be harvested and utilized to flavor cheese curds.
“The cheese curd is created through the usual fermentation process with milk,” Hawkins said. “Buzz’s sweat can then be used as flavoring after the curd is processed to give the cheese a uniquely passionate and energetic kick that is reminiscent of Williams’ style as a coach.”
While early reviews have been positive, the snack has had difficulty gaining traction due to turnover in the athletic department. Murray hopes this issue will be resolved with the hiring of Trev Alberts as the new athletic director.
“We’ll have several different varieties waiting on Director Alberts’ desk when he gets here so that he can point us in the right direction and green-light increased production,” Murray said. “Deciding on its marketing and distribution strategies will be one of the first big decisions he’ll make in this role, and we’re excited to work with his office on this project.”
In the meantime, those interested in sampling some of Buzz Williams’ sweat-infused cheese, or “Buzzarella” as it’s been nicknamed, can stop by the Reed Arena loading dock around lunchtime for free samples.
— Batt for Both Teams
A softball extraordinaire, Batt for Both Teams was an up-and-coming player of Texas A&M’s own. One fateful day after too little sleep under a too-bright sun, Batt for Both Teams stumbled from the outfield and into the batter’s box. She hit a home run that day, but for the wrong team. Now, neither of her partners will let her live it down. We just hope the sun doesn’t get too bright for her to write something for some other newspaper on campus… But that probably won’t happen… right?