Confused Student Preparing to Give Girlfriend “Flours” This Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day is here, and all across Aggieland hopeless unromantics, like Curtis Peterson, are preparing to give their girlfriends the most spectacularly mediocre Valentine’s celebration ever.
Peterson, a sophomore History major and one of those lucky few with someone to impress this Valentine’s Day, had a strange encounter with his girlfriend earlier this week.
“I asked my girlfriend what she wanted for Valentine’s Day, and all she said was ‘flours’,” Peterson said. “I thought it was a weird thing to ask for, but what do I know about women? Say, do you know what types of flours girls like?”
In an effort to help Peterson and all those other confused lovers this Valentine’s Day, The Mugdown has taken the liberty of compiling a list of the best flours to present to your girlfriend on that fateful day. Presentation is not our forte, but we suggest mixing up a variety of flours and placing them in a vase. If that’s unavailable you could use glass bowls, or just put little piles of them all over the bed. To each their own.
- All-Purpose Flour: for the classic romantic.
- Self-rising Flour: for the lazy romantic.
- Almond Flour: for those unburdened by nut allergies.
- Bread Flour: for homebodies.
- Whole-wheat Flour: for those overcompensating.
- Buckwheat Flour: for down-home country girls.
- Amaranth Flour: for those looking to start a parasocial relationship.
- Acorn Flour: for those looking to surprise and alarm.
— Batt-atouille
The Battalion has a rat infestation, and one of these filthy rodents found its way onto our staff. We discovered him deep in the sewers under Sbisa after a long shift of hiding under the head chef’s hat. Now, he loves writing for us just as much as he loves pulling hair. When he’s not busy in the dining hall kitchen or writing articles for the other “publication” on campus, he cooks up articles for us. We’re happy to have him on our team, even though he leaves a copious amount of health code violations in his trail.