Cross Country Runner Lands Largest NIL Deal in Team’s History: 10% Off Chili’s Coupon
Late Friday evening at the local Chili’s Bar and Grill, star Texas A&M distance runner Charlie Webber made a surprise announcement that he had landed the “largest NIL deal ever” in the cross country team’s history after receiving a “10% off any one entree” coupon. The manager of the Chili’s, Mike Brunswick, said the “physical ability” and “athleticism” Webber demonstrated by “filling out the customer satisfaction” survey are what sealed the record-breaking deal.
“Charlie is a fantastic athlete and more importantly an amazing Chili’s customer,” Coach Travis Conners said. “We hope his success is just a first step for our athletes landing more and more lucrative deals. A few decades from now our runners might be landing deals worth 11% or even 12% off a Chili’s appetizer. Our goal is to keep up with inflation.”
With this coupon, Webber is now the 615th highest-paid athlete at Texas A&M. While still far below the compensation of every player and waterboy on the football team, the value of Webber’s NIL deal is greater than the valuation of all deals for the equestrian, swimming, and women’s basketball programs put together.
“We pride ourselves on equipping the athletes in sports that nobody cares about to go out and land NIL deals themselves,” R.C. Slocum, the interim athletic director, said. “Because we sure ain’t going to allocate resources away from football to help them.”
A banquet was planned to be held at the now-historic Chili’s to honor the cross-country runner; however, the event was canceled after Webber discovered that his coupon had already expired.
— BTHO Rabies
You’re fighting for your life, sweating bullets on a flag room couch. You got in a wrestling match with a Kyle Field bat and the bat won. He whooped you faster than a junior-by-hours. He beat the 12th man out of you. You better be glad he let you keep on ever-living… ever-loving… You’re alive, but now you feel it coursing through your veins: pure rage in the form of a viral infection. Sure you could get treatment, but old army’s tougher than that. Reveilles 1 through 8 would be rolling in their graves. There’s only one redass, good bull way to handle this. Say it with me now. BEAT. THE. HELL. OUTTA. RABIES. Whoop!