Finals Week CAPS Appointment Portal Replicates Concert Ticketmaster Scandals

As finals week comes to a close and stress levels are at all-time highs, Counseling and Psychological Services, or CAPS, has seen record numbers of patients struggling with their mental health but finding it difficult to schedule a time through their CAPS appointment portal.

“I knew this finals season was going to be rough, but when I couldn’t get an appointment with my usual CAPS therapist, I decided it’s best to just transfer to another university than try to be an engineering major at this damn school,” freshman Howard Green said.

As part of their investigation into the issue, University officials have communicated with Taylor Swift’s administrative team about how they handled similar scheduling demands.

“Why don’t you guys just put out a recorded session with a therapist out in theaters because it does exactly the same thing and feels the same as if you were really there?” Swift’s representative said. “That’s what we did!”

— Lavender Hazed