The Worst Fish Camp Counselor You Know Applied to be a Chair

As Fish Camp chair interviews began this week, the director staff confirmed that the worst Fish Camp counselor you know, Adam Lonzo, applied to be a chair and got an interview. The evaluations from Lonzo’s previous chairs established him as a perfect candidate.

“Adam’s previous chairs said that he was only in it for the Instagram pics, group piercing sessions, and relationships built on power imbalances. Clearly, he already has a lot of practice upholding the traditions and mission statement of Fish Camp,” director staff member, Samantha Brenner, said. “So we made sure to give him an interview.”

A quick scroll through Lonzo’s Instagram profile showcases back-to-back lime-colored photo sessions with his fellow counselors before and at Lakeview. No freshmen were visible in these pictures or mentioned in his 2,000-character caption beginning with, “To Camp Turner, thank you for everything <3” before gushing about himself and how Fish Camp impacted him.

Dan Stetson, Lonzo’s chair from this past summer, said that his first-year chairs did not submit any evals for Lonzo and that his narcissism and ego came as a surprise once camp activities began.

“He seemed really confused as to why there were freshmen at Lakeview even though this was his second time there. I don’t think he’s figured out that it’s called Fish Camp because of the freshman,” Stetson said. “But, once we explained what was happening, he tried hitting on the freshmen girls to show them ‘the real college experience’ as he called it.”

Lonzo said he was preparing for his chair interview by pregaming like he does “for all Fish Camp events”.

— Mugdown Staff