America’s Next Broadway Star Discovered While Singing the War Hymn
At Saturday’s football game, talent scout Anabelle Mathis discovered a musical theater savant while scouring the second deck of Kyle Field for future Broadway stars.
“I had just about given up on College Station as a place to recruit musical superstars,” Mathis said. “There weren’t any elite talents found in the impromptu stadium auditions throughout the game, and there certainly wasn’t any talent on that football field. But, right as I was about to leave at the beginning of the fourth quarter, I heard the voice of an angel.”
The angel in question was Helen Murphy, a sophomore biochemistry major from Abilene, Texas. While having no formal musical experience, Helen often sings “for fun” on her way to work or class, humming along to the latest Zach Bryan or Florida Georgia Line songs.
“I was sawing it off with my roommates and a few friends at the game this weekend,” Murphy said. “As we swayed back and forth, this lady kept tapping my shoulder and saying how she thought I had a great voice and that I could ‘make it big’ if I wanted to.”
While the untrained ear may simply hear thousands of voices that are out of tune and time during the war hymn, years of practice enabled Mathis to pick out the one outlier
“Sure, she’s a raw talent. She’ll need some practice before headlining any shows at the Gershwin or Minskoff,” Mathis said. “But, my people at Julliard will pay to rescue her from this cesspool of a city and will have her in training by next week. She’ll be in off-Broadway productions in no time.”
Murphy flew out of the Easterwood Airport this morning and is beginning to settle into her new residence in Uptown New York where she will look to apply the same techniques that served her well while singing the Aggie War Hymn to her future theatrical roles.
— Batt for Both Teams
A softball extraordinaire, Batt for Both Teams was an up-and-coming player of Texas A&M’s own. One fateful day after too little sleep under a too-bright sun, Batt for Both Teams stumbled from the outfield and into the batter’s box. She hit a home run that day, but for the wrong team. Now, neither of her partners will let her live it down. We just hope the sun doesn’t get too bright for her to write something for some other newspaper on campus… But that probably won’t happen… right?