Underage Overachiever Dunks Ring in Apple Juice

On November 3rd, 19-year-old Becky Barnes, a sophomore in Telecommunication Media Studies, will receive her long-awaited Aggie Ring but, due to her age, will be unable to perform the ring dunk in the traditional form of a pitcher of beer.

Barnes came into Texas A&M with numerous high school credits, took five wintermester courses, and added in 19 credit hours over the summer. Finally, during the Summer 2023 semester, Barnes BTHO 90 credit hours.

As a proud Aggie, Barnes was determined to participate in the ring dunk tradition even though she was only 19 years old. To get around this obstacle, Barnes made a choice that has left the student body flabbergasted: she will dunk her ring in a pitcher of apple juice.

This declaration was met with resistance and disapproval from Kyle Tolliver, a senior marketing major.

“While I congratulate Becky on her accomplishment, I think it is important to uphold the values and traditions of our beloved university,” Tolliver said. “I mean, what’s next? Water? Herbal Tea? I don’t care how old she is, you have to do it in beer.”

Barnes had an empowering and compelling response. “They’re just jealous.”

This incident has sparked a conversation about tradition, revolution, and the importance of alcoholism to being an Aggie.

Barnes’ ring dunk will be open to all ages and will occur at Hurricane Harry’s on November 4th at 9:30 p.m. However, sources have revealed that many are planning to boycott in protest.

— Rev’s Rave Yard