Campus Police Now Requiring Biking License

A steep incline in campus biking incidents has resulted in a new campus law requiring cyclists and scooterists to obtain biking licenses.

Students who choose bicycles and scooters as their preferred mode of on-campus transportation will now be required by law to pass a navigation test. This test consists of multiple obstacles so that students can prove their competence in dodging pedestrians, poles, curbs, and, most importantly, Reveille’s precious paws.

“I’m getting pretty damn tired of all these biking accidents on campus, it creates a lot of paperwork for me,” Officer Bob Higgins, a UPD officer, said. “It’s not that hard to ride a bike, but some of these students can’t seem to figure it out.”

With this law, university administration hopes to remove Texas A&M from the top spot of on-campus, non-motor vehicle accidents in the nation.

Students have voiced their support for this new law, saying things like “Some students just don’t deserve the right to own a bicycle” or complaining about the various benches, sidewalks, hallways, or bathrooms where they’ve been hit by a bicyclist.

The cycling community was unable to be reached for comment as all requests were ignored due to the AirPods in their ears.

— Bizzle Blazer