Tent City in Front of Kyle Field Elects Its First Mayor

This Saturday, residents of the tent city in front of Kyle Field’s ticket windows collectively chose their first leader. Senior anthropology major Theodore Desmond won the election in a landslide through a completely non-contentious process.

“Teddy, as he’s known around here, is a veteran camper for prime football seats,” Talia Sanon, a fellow tent resident, said. “Most of us agreed that his experience and diehard devotion to the cause made him a clear favorite for mayor.”

The position was initially going to be given to the winner of a pillow fight free-for-all, but residents opted in the end to give democracy a chance, which (as it always does) went smoothly. The newly elected mayor is already working to improve conditions for local residents by organizing a projector movie night, distributing water rations, and building a town square where residents with acoustic guitars can gather to play.

“Teddy has never had one of the large, luxurious tents you see a lot of nowadays. Instead, he hangs outside of his humble Coleman Weathermaster, making friends with his neighbors, tossing around a football, and peacefully settling disputes among fellow students,” Sanon said. “I’ve even seen him walking in the far district towards the end of the line, encouraging those poor souls that they too will be able to secure great seats for the Alabama game.”

This election stands as a milestone for the canvas community, providing more legitimacy for its right to exist almost a week in advance of the big game. Critics of the tent city claim it’s an eyesore and a risk to passing students as well as its own residents.

A rise in crime led to the need for an appointed Sheriff: sophomore industrial engineering student and long-arm of tented-law Walter Ralls.

“Hopefully it’s a sign that times are changing. This plaza is no longer the Wild West it used to be where I’d see, good football fans wake up on Monday morning to find their tent dragged four spots backward in the night when only the growls of Reveille herself could see peace restored,” Ralls said. “Ol’ Teddy though, he gets me thinking that maybe there’s a real future here, one with laws, honor, and even a bit of friendly cooperation.”

— By Grad-ttlesnake