Driver Finally has Enough, Runs Over VEO Rider
After a month of dodging speeding scooters on sidewalks, frantically checking blind spots at intersections, and slamming on the brakes to avoid VeoRiders ignoring the rules of the road, poultry science major Walker Jenkins finally had enough of the Veo scooters and ran one over.
“Honestly, it felt really good to floor the accelerator and let that VeoRider have it,” Jenkins said. “They’ve been asking for it for weeks now, and it was refreshing to give them a well-deserved pavement sandwich.”
For Jenkins, this intentional decision to run over a VeoRider was all about sending a message.
“Sure, it’s likely that I’m going to be in jail for a few years, and I heard that the scooterist will likely be in the hospital for seven months,” Jenkins said. “But if they can still ride a scooter after this, I bet they’ll look both ways before zooming across a crosswalk.”
Ever since the introduction of Veo scooters on campus several years ago, collisions have been inevitable between drivers, pedestrians, and VeoRiders. Jenkins hopes that his decision to hit a VeoRider will ultimately help to reduce the amount of dangerous collisions.
“I’m not a hero, I’m just an Ag trying to make campus a safer place for everyone,” Jenkins said. “That’s what I want my legacy to be.”
Jenkin’s bail is set at an hourly rate of $1 for every minute spent outside of the jail cell.
— Batt for Both Teams
A softball extraordinaire, Batt for Both Teams was an up-and-coming player of Texas A&M’s own. One fateful day after too little sleep under a too-bright sun, Batt for Both Teams stumbled from the outfield and into the batter’s box. She hit a home run that day, but for the wrong team. Now, neither of her partners will let her live it down. We just hope the sun doesn’t get too bright for her to write something for some other newspaper on campus… But that probably won’t happen… right?