Campus Mormons Successfully Convert First Student
Last Tuesday afternoon in Academic Plaza, longtime campus missionaries Susan Hargrove and Benjamin Worster successfully converted their first wayward student to Mormonism. Freshman engineering major Bradley Limb is the first student at Texas A&M University to be persuaded to join The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
“They really got me,” Limb, who was reading a book in public when the missionaries approached him, said. “I was so flattered when they asked if they could sit with me, but the free chocolate chip cookie sealed the deal.”
After years of fruitless attempts to bring Jesus to uninterested college students, Limb’s salvation marks a turning point for the Mormon community. A recent internal church poll showed that interest in campus missions has increased tenfold, and the local Mormon church is preparing to receive dozens of missionaries hopeful to convert a second student.
At the time of publication, Limb was last seen enrolling in SPAN 101 (Introductory Spanish) to prepare for his upcoming mission trip to Venezuela.
— Ring Chunks
No, Ring Chunks is feeling fine, really. Yeah, it was a long journey to the bottom of the pitcher, but she knew that coming into her dunk. That’s why she made sure to let it sit overnight and pick a light beer she didn’t care for and – oh. Oh no. Um, okay, let’s just move her here to the trash can – wait, why is it full? Oh God, Ring Chunks, just keep it together until we can reach the toilet – NO! NOT IN THE KITCHEN SINK!