Park West to Install Marijuana Air Fresheners in Order to Maintain Hallway Consistency

Due to a recent influx of complaints from residents about not getting the “full Park West experience” of “illicit and overwhelming odors” saturating its facilities, Park West announced that it would be installing marijuana-scented air fresheners to equalize smells across all buildings and floors in hopes of resolving the issue and minimizing further complaints.

“We’ve been trying to conduct an apartment search to see which apartments are not doing their part to contribute to the odors that people have begun to expect from Park West,” Property Manager Paul Flanagan said. “But for some reason, no one seems to open the door when we knock.”

One resident currently on the Texas A&M football team, Chase Peters, has assured his fans that he frequently helps to ensure Park West maintains its signature odor and “vibe”.

“It is my God-given right to smoke what I want in my Park West dorm, and I fully take advantage of it,” Peters said. “What are they going to do, evict me?”

— Lavender Hazed