Park West to Install Marijuana Air Fresheners in Order to Maintain Hallway Consistency
Due to a recent influx of complaints from residents about not getting the “full Park West experience” of “illicit and overwhelming odors” saturating its facilities, Park West announced that it would be installing marijuana-scented air fresheners to equalize smells across all buildings and floors in hopes of resolving the issue and minimizing further complaints.
“We’ve been trying to conduct an apartment search to see which apartments are not doing their part to contribute to the odors that people have begun to expect from Park West,” Property Manager Paul Flanagan said. “But for some reason, no one seems to open the door when we knock.”
One resident currently on the Texas A&M football team, Chase Peters, has assured his fans that he frequently helps to ensure Park West maintains its signature odor and “vibe”.
“It is my God-given right to smoke what I want in my Park West dorm, and I fully take advantage of it,” Peters said. “What are they going to do, evict me?”
— Lavender Hazed
Yes, Lavender Hazed is a Swiftie, but Don’t You start thinking those stereotypes Mean you know everything about her Sad Beautiful Tragic story. She bleeds Maroon which is why she joined the Corps of Cadets. But The Very First Night, Lavender Hazed learned the Corps was no Wonderland when The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived in Briggs Hall tried to haze her with a rubber snake attached to an Invisible String. Fortunately, she was able to Jump Then Fall out her window to the Holy Ground of the Quad and run to her Getaway Car. Lavender Hazed knew All Too Well (10 Minute Version) that Everything Has Changed. Even after reporting The Man, she could not Shake It Off that she was The Lucky One that was Safe & Sound. Long Story Short, now she spends her Daylight writing satire to expose hazing all across campus which to her is Better than Revenge. Mirrorball.