Student Bonfire Abstains From Building This Year Since the University is Already a Flaming Pile of Trash
Student Bonfire, a non-affiliated student organization, announced today they won’t be building a fire this year. Bonfire Upper Leadership ultimately decided that their attempts to set haphazardly placed logs ablaze will never compare with the masterful torching of Texas A&M’s reputation performed by Chancellor Sharp and former President Banks.
“We really just don’t see a point,” Zick Nang, a Bonfire spokesperson and Redpot, said. “Nothing we build could ever top what the university is doing at this point.”
The organization plans to wait until next year to build since the flaming pile of trash that is current university administration is setting unrealistic expectations for their fanbase.
“Who wants to drive all the way out to Hearne for a giant fire when the university is right here?” Nang said.
The university has become the bonfire that Student Bonfire wishes it could build: one that burns hot and bright and shows no signs of letting up.
— Batt-atouille
The Battalion has a rat infestation, and one of these filthy rodents found its way onto our staff. We discovered him deep in the sewers under Sbisa after a long shift of hiding under the head chef’s hat. Now, he loves writing for us just as much as he loves pulling hair. When he’s not busy in the dining hall kitchen or writing articles for the other “publication” on campus, he cooks up articles for us. We’re happy to have him on our team, even though he leaves a copious amount of health code violations in his trail.