Cities Take Collective Sighs of Relief at Nothing in Particular
On Saturday night, residents of Bryan and College Station took a collective sigh of relief at nothing in particular. City officials are reporting mass levels of “Thank God!” in certain suburbs as well as multiple cases of “They didn’t mess this up!” in the middle of the Brazos Valley.
One city official, who asked to remain anonymous, cited numerous accounts of residents “feeling glad nothing bad happened on Saturday, just in general, not related to anything specific.”
The city official, in a press conference Sunday afternoon, stated they were glad nothing went wrong on Saturday.
In unrelated news, the Texas A&M Aggie football team won their first game of the season this weekend, beating the New Mexico Lobos 52-10.
— Middle Class Missionary
Middle Class was always the disappointment of the family. He was born to the family of Swedish death metalheads that founded Hot Topic, but never took an interest in music, the supernatural, or anything alternative. That all changed when one day he picked up a little book written by a fella named Jesus Christ. Soon he would be traveling around the world, spreading the good word at sold out stadiums. Along the way, he picked up more than an acoustic guitar and an affinity for ham-boning. He made a lot of money too! After achieving peak global success, he realized his true purpose in life: to build an ever bigger Protestant church down the street from St. Mary’s.