Business Student Returns from Internship Even More Unethical Than Before

Katie Sork, a senior business major, spent the summer interning for Deloitte’s strategy consulting team. While claiming to have “learned a lot about the world”, Sork has demonstrated no change in her capitalistic behavior: she returned to campus with less ethics than ever.

When asked about her contributions this summer, Sork detailed her billable hours helping two large pharmaceutical companies merge to create a monopoly on critical medications allowing them to raise prices in order to boost profits. However, she did not see the same value in other people’s summer activities.

“I can’t believe my roommate spent all summer volunteering in a crisis pregnancy center,” Sork said. “How is she supposed to pay for Northgate this weekend?”

Sork went on to describe the causes she plans to support with the money she made over the summer.

“I’m pretty sure I want to travel to Hawaii for Spring Break,” Sork said. “I know eco-tourism is becoming really harmful, but that’s why I have to see it before the poor people ruin it for everyone.”

Sork plans to accept a full-time position from Deloitte to work in their wealth management department where she hopes to further learn how to neglect ethics in favor of returns.

— Hannibal Lechner