The Mugdown’s 2023 Official Corps Unit Ranking

General Moore? More like General bore. The Flag Awards are lame and inaccurate, so The Mugdown has created our own ranking of every Corps unit from worst to best based on the 2022-2023 school year.

All facets were considered: academics, PFT scores, average cadet BAC, hazing, Title IX cases, abandoned COs, fire alarms triggered, unauthorized bag-ins taken, dorm pops (not including unfired weapons pointed at fellow cadets), and finally, the attractiveness of dates scored for football games.

Please do not ask why Squadron 17 is not on this list. Despite living on the Quad, Squadron 17 is actually a men’s org, not a Corps unit.

*Note from the author: the band was excluded from the list because I do not care about them (except when it’s half time).

Starting with our worst:
35. E-2: One of E-2’s members falls out of the block during march-ins to take a shit in public. Absolutely disgusting.
34. G-2: They would be last except they don’t defecate in public (that we’re aware of).
33. Squadron 11
32. K-1
31. Squadron 20
30. G-1
29. Squadron 2
28. Squadron 16
27. B-1
26. Squadron 12
25. B-2
24. I-1
23. Squadron 21
22. N-1
21. S-1
20. Squadron 23
19. D-2
18. E-1
17. L-1
16. Squadron 18
15. F-2
14. Squadron 3
13. D-1
12. Squadron 8
11. D Co.

And now onto the top 10 outfits of the 2022-2023 academic year.

10. F-1: The Mugdown would like to posthumously award F-1 for their contributions to the Quad, the Corps uniforms, and FDT. Here.
9. C-2: I love cocks.
8. A-2: Everybody’s favorite co-ed women’s org!
7. P-2: The Tridents were once known for not existing, but “a shot heard round the world” has put them on the map for good. Congrats H-1. I mean P-2.
6. Squadron 6: The Savages have the best merch on the Quad, and they’re one of the only units that legitimately volunteers and doesn’t inflate their numbers for awards. They would be higher, but they’re a bunch of weebs.
5. A-1: Gave the Quad the greatest MUC of all time. Unfortunately, A-1 has no other accomplishments.
4. Squadron 5: One of the few outfits to live up to their mascot. That’s real dedication!
3. S-2: Doesn’t third place feel nice? There’s always next year!
2. Squadron 1: The “1” in Squadron 1 is for where y’all rank in my heart. Unfortunately, your GPA is too low for the #1 spot.

And finally,our #1 spot. This outfit is the most deserving (as long as you ignore what happened in the fall). They put out like no other outfit whether it’s with Cadet Challenge, getting contracts, earning key leadership, or just being all around solid guys. This outfit serves as a model for what all other outfits should strive for (as long as you ignore what happened in the fall).

1. K-2: Common Killer W. Sometimes “The best in every way.”

— Pisshead Pacifist