Grandma’s Death Overshadowed by Roommate Coming Out as Mugdown Writer

On Thursday morning, senior Todd Gardener received word that his grandmother had passed away suddenly in the night. Upon returning home from the funeral service, Gardener walked into the kitchen to discover all his friends congratulating his roommate on his recent outing as a writer for the satirical publication, The Mugdown.

Gardener was reportedly expecting to be met with compassion and warmth from his friends, but encountered no such kindness.

“I’m not sure where Todd was all day, but he missed the huge announcement,” said Gardener’s other roommate Spencer Holmes. “I can’t believe we’ve been living with a Mugdown writer all this time. Isn’t that great, Todd?”

Gardener’s roommate revealed he was accepted into the prestigious publication as a freshman and served as an editor his fourth and final year. This announcement was met with huge congratulations, and others even suggested going out to Northgate to celebrate all this great news.

Gardener reportedly turned down the invitation citing the need for “time to grieve, alone apparently.”

— Hannibal Lechner & Middleclass Missionary