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Delusional Student Believes Aggie Ring Makes Him Employable

By BTHO Rabies , in Special Occasion , at April 14, 2023 Tags: , , ,

After receiving his Aggie Ring yesterday, junior civil engineering major Dani Lillard immediately expressed a new sense of optimism regarding his internship search despite previous unequivocal rejections.

“The $2,000 loan I took out to get this ring was definitely worth it,” Lillard said as he put the ring around his finger. “I already feel like twice the engineer I was before. There’s no way I won’t get a job now.”

Despite the ring’s obvious lack of magical properties, Lillard’s family just smiled and congratulated him on earning a lifetime of guaranteed employment. That evening, Lillard celebrated the occasion by binge drinking and barfing instead of finishing that homework due last week that he had “totally been meaning to turn in.”

While recovering from his post-ring dunk hangover, Lillard edited his resume to include “Aggie Ring Bearer” under the previously empty technical skills section. According to reports from his roommate, Lillard was then seenstroking his Aggie Ring and whispering “my precious” to the eagle on the seal while mass-applying to internships.

When researching whether having an Aggie Ring will make up for Lillard’s poor GPA and lack of relevant experience, Mugdown sources were told “Huh? Who are you? What are you doing in my office? SECURITY!”

 

— BTHO Rabies