Delusional Student Believes Aggie Ring Makes Him Employable
After receiving his Aggie Ring yesterday, junior civil engineering major Dani Lillard immediately expressed a new sense of optimism regarding his internship search despite previous unequivocal rejections.
“The $2,000 loan I took out to get this ring was definitely worth it,” Lillard said as he put the ring around his finger. “I already feel like twice the engineer I was before. There’s no way I won’t get a job now.”
Despite the ring’s obvious lack of magical properties, Lillard’s family just smiled and congratulated him on earning a lifetime of guaranteed employment. That evening, Lillard celebrated the occasion by binge drinking and barfing instead of finishing that homework due last week that he had “totally been meaning to turn in.”
While recovering from his post-ring dunk hangover, Lillard edited his resume to include “Aggie Ring Bearer” under the previously empty technical skills section. According to reports from his roommate, Lillard was then seenstroking his Aggie Ring and whispering “my precious” to the eagle on the seal while mass-applying to internships.
When researching whether having an Aggie Ring will make up for Lillard’s poor GPA and lack of relevant experience, Mugdown sources were told “Huh? Who are you? What are you doing in my office? SECURITY!”
— BTHO Rabies
You’re fighting for your life, sweating bullets on a flag room couch. You got in a wrestling match with a Kyle Field bat and the bat won. He whooped you faster than a junior-by-hours. He beat the 12th man out of you. You better be glad he let you keep on ever-living… ever-loving… You’re alive, but now you feel it coursing through your veins: pure rage in the form of a viral infection. Sure you could get treatment, but old army’s tougher than that. Reveilles 1 through 8 would be rolling in their graves. There’s only one redass, good bull way to handle this. Say it with me now. BEAT. THE. HELL. OUTTA. RABIES. Whoop!