Courageous Cadet Awarded Medal of Honor for Completing Potty Training
On March 31st, the Corps of Cadets held a ceremony for freshman cadet Richard Morris who received the Purple Kidney, the highest honor available for cadets, due to his “heroic display of bravery” of only peeing in toilets for an entire month.
“I’m not going to pretend it was easy. In the heat of the battle against peeing your pants, your judgment can get skewed, and a sink can look an awful lot like a urinal,” Wright said. “I am still haunted by nightmares of losing fellow cadets in the fight to stop urinating in sinks, but I was able to make it through thanks to the values instilled in me by the Corps.”
This is the first time a cadet will be receiving this prestigious award since Aaron Wright (’12). All seven currently alive recipients of this distinction were flown out for the honorous event.
“Richard is a true patriot upholding the cherished American value of urinating in toilets,” General Patrick R. Michaelis, commandant of the Corps of Cadets, said. “Young men like him demonstrate why the Texas A&M Corps of Cadets is so special and give me confidence in our continued legacy as a university, state, and country.”
Morris plans to join the Navy after he graduates to continue fighting for the right of Americans everywhere to properly use bathrooms.
— BTHO Rabies
You’re fighting for your life, sweating bullets on a flag room couch. You got in a wrestling match with a Kyle Field bat and the bat won. He whooped you faster than a junior-by-hours. He beat the 12th man out of you. You better be glad he let you keep on ever-living… ever-loving… You’re alive, but now you feel it coursing through your veins: pure rage in the form of a viral infection. Sure you could get treatment, but old army’s tougher than that. Reveilles 1 through 8 would be rolling in their graves. There’s only one redass, good bull way to handle this. Say it with me now. BEAT. THE. HELL. OUTTA. RABIES. Whoop!