College of Arts and Sciences to Offer Unemployment Minor
Yesterday morning, the College of Arts and Sciences announced a new Unemployment Minor to prepare liberal arts students for a more realistic future.
According to the dean’s office, the minor was introduced in response to graduates who were “somehow surprised” by their inability to earn a livable wage and afford a home after getting a degree. Required courses focus on “real-world skills lacking in liberal arts education” and include “Living With Your Parents”, “Wilderness Survival Skills”, “Debt Management”, and seminars titled “Instant Foods” and “Reviving Your Dreams”.
Although the new minor was received positively by current students, recent graduates have expressed concern that courses are no substitute for real-world experience. “Sure, maybe you’ll learn a little by cramming for exams about living paycheck-to-paycheck,” former religious studies student Brie Livingston said. “But until you have to work at both Sweet Eugene’s and your church’s daycare just to get by, it’s all useless theory.”
—BIMS and SNAP
One day after a particularly rough organic chemistry lab, BIMS and Snap needed a pick-me-up. After haphazardly driving her black, convertible Porsche down Texas Avenue, she screeched into the parking lot of the vet school, certain that a new sweatshirt from the College of Veterinary Medicine and Biomedical Sciences store would do the trick. As she was walking into VIDI, she saw an absolute hunk of a third-year vet student in a form-fitting white lab coat. Unsure of what to do, BIMS and Snap threw her lab goggles to the ground, dropped to grab them, and quickly snapped back up, hoping to get the vet student’s attention. Since the world is not like “Legally Blonde,” the vet student called CAPS, who recommended that BIMS and Snap channel her need for attention into something a little more productive, like satirical journalism.