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Local Christian Denied Salvation Due to Subpar Birthday Posts

By Middle Class Missionairy , in Campus Life , at March 6, 2023 Tags: , , ,

Last Wednesday, local Christian Julien Anderson was denied salvation from the Lord due to subpar Instagram birthday posts. Sources say that Anderson was fearful about her status citing low birthday post count, each with only one to two sentences describing her faith. Her rejection was followed by a post captioned “taking a break from Social Media to spend more time with Jesus.”

“It’s just not fair,” Anderson said in an interview Friday night. “I created nice collages for all of my friends and wrote out three paragraphs for each. Pretty much all I post on Instagram are birthday posts.”

Anderson went on to express her internal disappointment in her closest friends for not taking the time to immortalize her impressive faith in their posts, particularly the girls in her bible study. According to Anderson, she always brought the religious zeal for her eternal liberator and was saddened when none of the girls recognized her evangelistic talents in their posts.

 

— Middle Class Missionary