TAMU Athletics Frantically Rebrands Fanbase as the Sixth Man
In response to the Aggie men’s basketball team’s recent success, Texas A&M Athletics announced that the famous 12th Man would be rebranded as the 6th Man. The decision, which had been pending since last year’s SEC basketball tournament was made easier by the lackluster record of the Aggie football team.
After the announcement, Texas A&M Athletics took several steps to assure fans of their new commitment to basketball. A sculpted copper basketball was tucked under the iron-cast arm of the famed E. King Gill statue, and NCAA-standard basketball hoops have been installed into the newly rechristened Kyle Arena. Head coach Buzz Williams was caught on a hot microphone musing that “it has been a pleasant surprise for a tangentially popular sports team to excel given the depressing vacuum of Aggie sports.”
“As they say in Aggieland, it’s a spirit can ne’er be told in Reed Arena this season,” Vice President of Student Affairs Brigadier General Joe Ramirez said. “It’s great for our student population that we’ve moved on from the exhausted shrughead coach Jimbo Fisher and refocused on something we are actually good at.”
— Downtown Cryin’
After the crowds of first Friday have settled down for the night, the sobs of Downtown Cryin’ can be heard from blocks away. Legend has it he was told he could take a bus to the game from Downtown Bryan, but it never came. And he haunts those streets to this day.