Student Asleep in Ethics Class Fast-Tracked for Management Position
Yesterday, multinational corporation Inc. Corp. announced that Logan Martin, a sophomore business major at Texas A&M, was switched from the standard intern track at the company to the management track after finding out he had only been conscious for 12.6% of his business ethics lectures.
“Mr. Martin is truly a remarkable individual,” Philip Bates, CEO of Inc. Corp., said. “His dispassion for ethical business practices shines through in his coursework. I know he is going to be an invaluable executive officer at Inc. Corp. one day.”
Impressively, Martin is in the top ten percent of least ethical business students and top 0.1% out of all Texas A&M students. Martin attributes most of this success to how much he has learned from his classes through cheating.
“Logan is a great example of the competitive edge our students receive,” Dr. Nate Sharp, Dean of Mays Business School, said. “We love to see our students moving up in the world of business until they inevitably flame out in some horrendous scandal.”
Reports from our sources inside of Mays indicate that within 15 minutes of receiving his internship offer from Inc. Corp., Martin promised to give his friends privileged company information with which they could insider trade.
— BTHO Rabies
You’re fighting for your life, sweating bullets on a flag room couch. You got in a wrestling match with a Kyle Field bat and the bat won. He whooped you faster than a junior-by-hours. He beat the 12th man out of you. You better be glad he let you keep on ever-living… ever-loving… You’re alive, but now you feel it coursing through your veins: pure rage in the form of a viral infection. Sure you could get treatment, but old army’s tougher than that. Reveilles 1 through 8 would be rolling in their graves. There’s only one redass, good bull way to handle this. Say it with me now. BEAT. THE. HELL. OUTTA. RABIES. Whoop!