College of Engineering Announces ETAM Will Be Replaced By “Hunger Games Style” Battle Royale
On January 18th, the College of Engineering announced the traditional entry-to-a-major, or ETAM, process will be replaced with a Hunger Games-style battle royale known as ETAM 2.0.
“We want to be the best university we can be,” Interim Dean Dr. John E. Hurtado said. “To achieve this goal, we need only the best students at Texas A&M. What better way to separate the true engineering students from those who belong in the business school than with a friendly fight to the death.”
Hurtado assured students that the quality of their classwork will still matter for ETAM 2.0. For example, students with higher GPAs will be given better starting weapons.
“Today’s economy is cutthroat, so we should prepare our students to be cutthroat, too,” President Kathy Banks said.
Despite the vicious, premature end coming to many of their lives, this news has been received positively by the engineering student body with many saying the process
ETAM 2.0 will be hosted in a 3.14-acre portion of the RELLIS campus on Monday, May 1st. Tickets can be purchased through the Howdy Portal, and exclusive streaming rights have been sold to ESPN.
— BTHO Rabies
You’re fighting for your life, sweating bullets on a flag room couch. You got in a wrestling match with a Kyle Field bat and the bat won. He whooped you faster than a junior-by-hours. He beat the 12th man out of you. You better be glad he let you keep on ever-living… ever-loving… You’re alive, but now you feel it coursing through your veins: pure rage in the form of a viral infection. Sure you could get treatment, but old army’s tougher than that. Reveilles 1 through 8 would be rolling in their graves. There’s only one redass, good bull way to handle this. Say it with me now. BEAT. THE. HELL. OUTTA. RABIES. Whoop!