Gruel Prices Up This Year at the Pig Slop Factory
Yesterday morning, University Dining announced that, starting in January, students will beginning paying more more for the privilege of shoveling feed into their gullets at designated feed halls.
Despite feed quality containts Sbisa and the Commons, the market value has driven the price for gruel trades higher. According to university officials, the supply and demand for lentils and ground mash has forced their hand in charging students ever more for government-subsidized calorie paste.
Brickton Callahan, one of the backroom sous chefs for Sbisa Feed Hall, commented on the state of nutrition at the facility. “Sheesh, you’re telling me they’re feeding this stuff to students? I thought this was headed to the cows over on west campus,” said Calllahan, “Ah well, that’s what you get for asking how the sausage gets made, I guess.”
—Downtown Cryin’
After the crowds of first Friday have settled down for the night, the sobs of Downtown Cryin’ can be heard from blocks away. Legend has it he was told he could take a bus to the game from Downtown Bryan, but it never came. And he haunts those streets to this day.