BREAKING: Yell Leaders Fired, Cheerleaders Hired
Earlier today, Texas A&M Athletics announced the hiring of cheerleaders into replace Yell Leaders. The athletic department hopes that moving from a harsh “yell” to a positive “cheer” will bring new energy to the stands.
“Kyle Field has been known to provide amazing support for our football team, but something has obviously been missing this season,” Athletic Director Ross Bjork said. “When it became obvious that our current Yell Leaders could not help our team be nationally competitive, we had to make a change.”
Although some fans are unsure if this was the right change, Aggies everywhere are optimistic that the move could turn around the trajectory of the program. “Clearly, Jimbo is doing everything he can. It’s just a shame that the energy in the stands is wasting his efforts,” senior political science major Rick Langley said. “I’m just happy our athletic director made the firing we were all hoping for.”
— Weeb King Gill
After giving it his best effort, Coach Dana X Bible called Weeb King Gill down from her throne as the president of the Aggie Anime Club to help Texas A&M pull off the impossible: finishing One Piece. Weeb King Gill proudly took up the mantle, and, clutching her dakimakura, carved out her place in Texas A&M history. Because of her heroism in our university’s darkest hour, Texas A&M is now known as the Home of the 12th One Punch Man.