Suspected Alcoholic Ring Dunks Every Single Weekend

After obtaining his Aggie Ring two years ago, fifth-year Zane Harris attended his first ring dunk. However, four ring many dunks later, onlookers have begun to suspect a bigger culprit for his recent habits- alcoholism.

Despite the recent suggestions that he may have an alcohol problem, accusations, Harris has been quick to dispel rumors of alcoholism. “You are all just jealous you’re not as redass as me,” Harris said after practicing for a dunk on a Tuesday evening. Zane Corbin, a friend of Harris, was asked about the comment. “Redass? He skips half of the football games to drink at tailgates. He just likes beer.”

In Harris’s most recent dunk, onlookers noticed that no ring was present. Evidently, Harris had left it at his home. Furthermore, no other attendees could identify Harris, raising suspicion that t he had crashed the event.

Despite loved ones’ worries, Harris claims that he will not stop until he breaks the 15-second mark. Until then, Harris is expected to continue his weekly routine of loading Natural Light into his lifted truck before his next dunk.

 

—Pudding Out