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Century Tree Grows New “Restraining Order” Branch

By BTHO Rabies , in Campus Life , at November 7, 2022 Tags: , , ,

Last week, College of Agriculture and Life Sciences researchers published a groundbreaking study in Sciencetition Magazine detailing the growth of the new Restraining Order Branch on the Century Tree.

According to Aggie lore, the Century Tree has two main branches named the “Marriage” Branch and the “Friendship” Branch. The “Marriage” Branch, when walked under by a couple, guarantees they will get married. In contrast, walking beneath the “Friendship” Branch, or “Friend-Zone” Branch, ensures that only a platonic relationship can develop.

“When the rumors of a third branch began to surface in early 2011, my team and I began a thorough spatial analysis of the Century Tree. After over a decade of research, we are finally ready to definitively confirm the existence of a third localized source of relational magic on the Century Tree,” Bower said. “In fact, we have found there is a 100% correlation between two people walking under this branch, and a restraining order developing between them.”

While scientists from other universities expressed skepticism, Bower assured critics that his team has thoroughly tested the Restraining Order Branch’s power. “I even had one of my graduate students walk under the tree with his loving wife and three kids, and now he hasn’t seen them in years,” Bower said.

— BTHO Rabies