Visibility-Limiting Costume Definitely Responsible for Stumbling
Last night at a Halloween party, senior Nuclear Engineering major Andrew Suarez blamed his inability to walk in a straight line on the mask obscuring his vision. Additionally, Suarez denied that the alcohol he consumed had affected his motor functions in any noticeable way.
“I don’t know how much lighter and non-obstructive a mask can be,” Alex Han, a friend of Suarez’s, said of the costume. “It doesn’t even stay on his head.He can hold it up or take it off whenever he wants.” Nevertheless, Suarez insisted throughout the night that the costume was the cause of his disorientation, hastily placing the mask over his eyes each time he fell and vomited.
“This Halloween was not my best look. It was pretty disappointing how dizzy my costume made me feel.” Suarez said the next morning. “I think I’ll just go as a frat guy next year. I’ll only have to worry about shotgunning a few more beers instead of wearing a stupid mask, so I should definitely be fine.”
— MSC ALITTLE
You’ve seen him, the phantom of the Memorial Student Center, lurking in the back of the lunch crowd. Perhaps you caught a glimpse of him darting in and out of various conference rooms. MSC ALITTLE is the CEO of overcommitment, and a sucker for any organization with a pithy acronym. His motives are a mystery. Clout chasing? Resume building? Maybe he just really likes the food at Rev’s. Whatever the case, we count ourselves lucky to be swept away to his lair in the basement, to be tutored in time management and seizing the day.