Old Lady Hit By Cadet’s Truck Declared New Texas A&M Mascot

In a disaster turned blessing, Anita Withers, an 87-year-old grandmother of five, recovered from her unfortunate collision with the grill of a cadet’s Ford F-150 and was officially appointed the new mascot of Texas A&M University yesterday.

The accident happened two weeks ago as sophomore cadet Ryan Tansol was returning from Navasota. Tansol was reportedly texting a bootchaser when, “out of nowhere,” Anita Withers appeared on the crosswalk in front of him. He attempted to stop but could not decelerate quickly enough because he did not want to “damage his brakes. “Thus, Withers was left sprawled on the street with a broken hip.

Being a good Ag, Tansol picked up Withers and drove her back to his dorm to care for her. Since grandmothers are not allowed in the barracks, she had to be stored discreetly. The injured woman gave herself away when a bugler played the “Reveille” in the morning to rouse the cadets, and she woke up screaming.

Because Withers was too delirious to remember her name, all the cadets started calling her Grandma Reveille. After spending a few nights in the TAMU Veterinary Large Animal Hospital, Withers made nearly a full recovery. In fact, she was doing so well that the Corps of Cadets decided to make her their special guest at the upcoming football game against the South Carolina Gamecocks. When the Aggies emerged victorious [Editor’s Note: Artistic liberties have been taken in the retelling of these events], all credit was given to Grandma Reveille, and she became a celebrity across campus.

Because of her recent popularity, Grandma Reveille has been crowned the new “First Lady of Aggieland” and named Reveille XI. The Corps of Cadets believes Reveille XI has “two or three seasons” left in her.

 

— BTHO Rabies