Jimbo Fisher Recruits Five-Star Coach to Texas A&M
After his most recent loss against the University of South Carolina, Texas A&M University head coach Jimbo Fisher announced at the post-game press conference that Kalvin Playa, a five-star coach he has been trying to recruit, has officially committed to his team.
Playa is rated as the 7th overall prospect and top-ranked coach according to 358Sports’ composite ranking system. National football scouts report Playa being 5 feet 2 inches and 115 pounds of “raw coaching performance.”
Starting as a humble water boy his freshman year, Playa rose to the position of assistant head coach at James Edwards Highschool in Alto Springs. Playa’s high school coach and mentor, Michael Terry, describes Playa as being “as good at coaching football as Einstein was at physics and as good at playing football as Einstein was at playing football.”
“I think Kalvin is really gonna come out here on the sidelines and help us to score more points than the other team. And ain’t that what football is all about,” Fisher said. “Kal’s play calling is as refreshing as peach tea on a warm summer’s night.”
Despite being given similar offers by many other top football programs across the country, it was long suspected that Playa would end up at Texas A&M because of the school’s close proximity to Playa’s family and profitable NIL contracts.
— BTHO Rabies
You’re fighting for your life, sweating bullets on a flag room couch. You got in a wrestling match with a Kyle Field bat and the bat won. He whooped you faster than a junior-by-hours. He beat the 12th man out of you. You better be glad he let you keep on ever-living… ever-loving… You’re alive, but now you feel it coursing through your veins: pure rage in the form of a viral infection. Sure you could get treatment, but old army’s tougher than that. Reveilles 1 through 8 would be rolling in their graves. There’s only one redass, good bull way to handle this. Say it with me now. BEAT. THE. HELL. OUTTA. RABIES. Whoop!