West Campus Skunks Ready to Become the New Squirrels as University Expands
Viewing the slow encroachment into their habitat as a brand-building opportunity, West Campus skunks rejoiced last week as another construction project shifted Texas A&M University’s population center further toward their sphere of influence.
“Squirrels have dominated the campus animal media cycle for far too long,” skunk Daniel Mephitidae said. “Countless Instagram pages, Snapchat stories, and Reddit posts have been devoted to an animal that possesses literally no superpowers. Texas A&M’s skunks have everything it takes to make it in entertainment. We’ve just been waiting on our big break.”
Although skunk dwellings on West Campus predate the founding of the University, few people outside of joggers, researchers, and Bush School students have been exposed to these talented creatures. As the need for more classroom space increases, many skunks are optimistic that the near feature will provide the mammals the exposure needed to become campus icons.
“No other animal on campus is as naturally gifted as us. But we don’t take anything for granted,” Mephitidae said. “This moment is something we’ve been preparing for with years and years of hard work. My great-great-grandfather once hoped he’d be featured in a cadet’s letter home. He’d be so proud to see me get my own Twitter page run by a freshman girl. I get so excited thinking about what cute animal quotes she might make up for me.”
— MSC ALITTLE
You’ve seen him, the phantom of the Memorial Student Center, lurking in the back of the lunch crowd. Perhaps you caught a glimpse of him darting in and out of various conference rooms. MSC ALITTLE is the CEO of overcommitment, and a sucker for any organization with a pithy acronym. His motives are a mystery. Clout chasing? Resume building? Maybe he just really likes the food at Rev’s. Whatever the case, we count ourselves lucky to be swept away to his lair in the basement, to be tutored in time management and seizing the day.