Jimbo’s Job Title Changed to Chief Risk Officer
After a disappointing weekend in Starkville and a critical loss for the Aggies, announced that
Jimbo Fisher is no longer the head coach. “Moving forward,” said Bjork, “he’ll be transitioned to a new role as Chief Risk Officer for the team.”
Bjork emphasized how the move gives Jimbo an opportunity to better utilize his talents up in the suites rather than on the sidelines. “Through his love of halfback draws, punting, and conservative defensive schemes, Coach Fisher has shown through his play-calling that he’s very good at managing risks,” Bjork said. “I think he’ll be a great addition to the executive team, and we’re excited to have him.”
At a press conference later that day, Coach Fisher expressed doubts about the move.
“I haven’t changed my gameplan since I started coaching back in the ‘90s, so this will be a bit of an adjustment,” Jimbo said.
Ultimately, with his contract still binding until 2031, Coach Fisher said he would try to make the best of his new role.“I’d prefer to be on the sidelines so I can yell at the refs and my players after every three-and-out, but as long as those checks keep clearing every Friday, I’ll be all right,” Fisher said.
The search for a new head coach will begin immediately, with an application coming out later this week on HireAggies.
— Batt for Both Teams
A softball extraordinaire, Batt for Both Teams was an up-and-coming player of Texas A&M’s own. One fateful day after too little sleep under a too-bright sun, Batt for Both Teams stumbled from the outfield and into the batter’s box. She hit a home run that day, but for the wrong team. Now, neither of her partners will let her live it down. We just hope the sun doesn’t get too bright for her to write something for some other newspaper on campus… But that probably won’t happen… right?